I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
