Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
