Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
