She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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