I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
