please come you make the beer taste better
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
