I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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