if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
