I just pynch a tree in the face
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I die, sorry about rent.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
