I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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