Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
