Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
