youre lurking in front of me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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