It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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