you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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