So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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