At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
