Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
