I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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