I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
