He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
