Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
