Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
