Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
