I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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