she looked like the before picture.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
