guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
