he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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