we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
