so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
