haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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