Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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