there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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