I think I died a long time ago.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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