the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
