i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just blew my weed a kiss
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
