the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
