Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
