I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
