Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
