I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
