she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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