it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
