Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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