it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
