the condom got lost in my hair
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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