so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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