Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
