Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My feet surprised me
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