Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
