Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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