She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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