At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
