At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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