ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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