I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
