i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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