Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fuck appropriateness.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
