dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
