You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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