You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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