Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
