im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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