Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
