Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
