Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
