dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
