i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
