maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
