dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
