I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
