perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
