he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
