i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
