I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
