He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
