Ambien. No doubt about it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How external is "for external use only"?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
